Recently, an essay has been passed around the internet much like a chain letter would about a proposal to reopen the draft. On a forum where I quasi-regularly post, the very same essay was linked, and opinions were given. I, in my fervor to spread the Word of Me, decided to put my comments on there. What follows is what I wrote:
"Once again, its issues of this nature that make me wonder how fucking short sighted people can be. I mean think about it. First things first, if there was a draft.. this kid is soooo getting drafted. How do I know? Cause there is no God. Live it, learn it, accept it. No God.
Now. The meer possibility of that shows that the American government does not at all realize how insane that is. Look at it this way, I cant get on I-695 at 4 in the afternoon with out screaming at people that go by. Literally everyday I come home that way I roll down my window and scream "aye! essa vato, move that shit, punta" at the douchebag who's dick is so small he had to put a farpipe on a goddamn honda civic (I hate them so). Knowing I'll do that, who in their right fucking mind is gonna give me an M4. I mean. Do the damn math.
I can't handle light-medium density traffic, and you want to give me a fully automatic assault rifle. Jesus f'n Christ! If you believed there was a God coming into this, your faith should be gone by now. Cause a just and merciful God would never give me a gun, nor would he allow the government to give me that gun and tell me to shoot the "naughty people". I hate everyone! EVERYONE IS A NAUGHTY PERSON TO ME! They would all be dead! It should also be noted that a just and merciful God would have given me cancer or a damn stroke years ago, which only reinforces my point about such a creature being non-existant.
People. Do what you must! But you must stop the American government from GIVING ME A GUN, and telling me to go into another nation and kill some brown people. Its not right."
See! Nothing strange there. I don't think anything stated above was in any way, shape or form, different from one would expect me to put. Nor did I feel anything said there was especially controversial, I mean, I didn't say we should rape Iraqi children did I? Exactly, I didn't. So, I went to bed, fully content that the uneducated masses weren't going to be able to justify their moronic persuit against me. Once again, you useless half-wits managed to prove me wrong, and sink to new lows of dismal intellect.
The first hateful comment was as follows:
"Hey... uh.... mike. I don't know how to tell you this. But... you live in America. And if you wanted an assault rifle (depending on what state you're in) you could just buy one.
People like you drove me fucking insane in Albuquerque. Acting all tough, 'cause they had a gun.... putting up fronts because their mommies didn't love them. Anyway... don't rip God, just because you're a fucking putz.
That's all for now"
Jesus Christ. A CANADIAN... A FUCKING CANADIAN... is going ot judge... ME! What the fuck? I don't you people can possibly judge America for our Texans, or religious right when you house in your country an evil even greater than that of the Catholic Church. That evil being Quebec. Yes, Quebec, two steps gayer than hippies, and one step less gay than the French. Oh, wait. You ARE French. Welcome to reality, you are Eurotrash-lite. Good job, you're the diet coke of French. Bra-fucking-vo.
Our second bit of hatred:
"I don't know about anyone else but I'd certainly appreciate it if you didn't wave your atheism around in such an insulting manner."
Yep. That's right, just when you thought my enemies couldn't get any more homosexual... the Christians come out. How do these people sleep at night? I mean, you worship a 2000 year old dead Jew. You worship a man, who wasn't even Jewish enough to control the fucking media. And on top of that, he's three people in one! That's right, he's his own father, his own son, and a creepy ghost all in the same package. Its like the white trash version of Scooby-doo! Rut-roh raggy, a rag!
In all this, I only had one supporter, who simply stated:
"Oh, and ruch... There is a god, we're just not on his team."
That's not true. Not true at all. There is a god, and he is either Me, or he loves Me more than you. Get a life. Worship someone who didn't wear a thorny crown. Worship someone who wears your mom and you're girlfriend's vagina at the same time. The Ruch.
Do as I do my little negroes.